Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
