i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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