i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
