dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
