I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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