I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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