So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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