I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
