you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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