I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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