Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
