i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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