It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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