plz talk dirty to me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
