her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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