On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
