I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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