If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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