How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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