We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Couch. On fire.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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