i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
