No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
