it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
