"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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