He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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