i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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