what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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