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you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
