god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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