You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
