It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
