i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
