right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
