You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize