Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
