Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
