hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
At least life still wants to fuck me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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