She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Operation Purity has been aborted
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
