I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
