Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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