ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
