There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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