he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
