I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
