Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
