you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
