who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
