you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
