I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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