ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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