I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
