Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
