Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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