How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i out mim tonsoeep
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