dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize