she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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