The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
