It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
