The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
