talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
