This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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