are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
