How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
