Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
