I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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