a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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