Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
