I am puke
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
