yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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