I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize