Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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