You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wear drunk well.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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