how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
