You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
