matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
