If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do herpes really smell.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize