Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
