so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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