oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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