Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Semen is not good for contacts.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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