New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Houston, we have a blender
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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