oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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