Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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