Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
