I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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