Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
