Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
