Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize