perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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