he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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