Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
