sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
