anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
