kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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