i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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