I could make wine with my vomit
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
