I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize