glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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