I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
