Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
