i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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