You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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