Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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