Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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